Ah, it's been a while since any really good political satire got stuck on here. I found this in the BBSpot Mailbag. Thought I'd pass it along :)

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China Cites Bush Doctrine in Surprise Attack on US
by Not Listed

Chinese President Hu Jintao gave a press conference today, hours after the surprise attack on several major US cities.

�For nearly a century, we have been doing two things: building our armies, and looking for an excuse to destroy America. With his Gulf War Sequel, President Bush has given us the political justification for this.�

According to Jintao, his attack had to meet five criteria to qualify for consideration under the Bush Doctrine.

1. The country must be proportionally smaller than yours, and located on the other side of the world.

2 .They have to have a system of government you have trained your citizens to loathe.

3. They must be suspected of, but not necessarily proven to have, weapons of mass destruction.

4. Their citizens must speak a different language than your citizens.

5. Their nation must possess resources or trinkets of value, which can be divided amongst your allies once the conflict is over.

�We had been planning to take some kind of military action for months,� stated Military Leader Jiang Zemin, �but when they prevented our weapons inspectors from searching their country for nuclear weapons, that was when we knew we had to take action.�

President Bush responded quickly to the threat by ordering planes to drop food and pamphlets on Chinese soil in retaliation for the shower of missiles and bombs that decimated much of the west coast.
He was quoted as saying, "My advisers and I believe this situation can still be resolved diplomatically [sic], without the use of military force."

France and Germany applauded the initiative of the Chinese Government in a joint press release shortly after the attacks, while beatniks across the United States protested American involvement in the war.

White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer gave a statement today condemning the attacks and demanding that General Tso�s Chicken be renamed General
Lee�s Chicken.

Chinese President Hu concluded his comments by saying, �plus, with the United States out of the way, we can finally get back at Japan for that
little stunt where they tried to invade our country during World War II. Honestly, what were they thinking?�