An open letter to the world:
Thank you for once again throwing me a big party for my birthday. I just wanted to point out a few tiny mistakes with the current plan:
1) My birthday is not on March 17th. It's March 19th. This happens EVERY year.
2) My favourite colour is not green. I'm a little more partial to red, purple and blue, though I do love a cool phosphorescent green.
3) Why do I never get invited to any of these big parties? I keep seeing people out and about every March 17th, but my invitation has never arrived. What's up? You can't have an early birthday party for me if I'm not there!
4) I like to consider myself a nice guy and all that, but I think calling me a saint is going a bit far. There are also a few issues with the myth that has been started about me and my alleged sainthood that I would like to address:
(a) Error 1: I like snakes.
(b) Error 2: I am not dead, which I think is prerequisite for sainthood.
(c) Error 3: My name is not Patrick.
I think that's about it. Hopefully this will make its way up the chain of command to whomever is in charge of these things and next year we'll see my birthday celebrations happening on the right day.
That said, whoever thought it was a good idea to serve lots of Guinness today deserves a medal. Mmm... Guinness.